(Picture taken February 2010)
Although I took this picture some time ago I decide that it was fitting for this post. 2010 is coming to a close and last night I learned something about myself. First of all, I am one of the most flexible people that I know. I'm not trying to pat myself of the back or anything but I have been through enough in my 32 years on Earth to know that being flexible is important. I am changing more and more everyday. I don't want to fight with Jermey's ex-wife, I don't want to run when we are faced with challenging situations, I want to get and stay out of debt, I want to work hard to provide for my family, I want to do what's right for my kids, I want to be a better everything to everyone including myself and I want a closer relationship with God.
How I know that I am changing? My home has become a priority. I used to not care that it was a little messy but it has gotten to the place where it bothers me now if it is. It gets tough at time with energy levels and 6 kids in one house and when we move out of here and in with the inlaws to save to buy our own house, it makes me want to work even harder to acheive that. I also have to desire to have a strong family not just with our children but with our extended family as well. This is not something I have always wanted but it has become increasingly important to me. I have the real desire to stop smoking. I am sick of it. It stinks, it's gross and what am I showing my children? The biggest way that I know I am changing has happened in the past few days. I allowed someone into my life that I had no desire to even be around and it wasn't that bad. The other thing is that on New Year's Eve I have no desire at all to go out, to take even a drink of alcohol and what sounded like a good time to me a year ago sounds plain stupid.
Much like the tree, I have had to go through some pretty rough winters in order to get to this point. Does my life reflect greatness or being perfect, absolutely not but it is getting there. I feel like my tree is in the bud stage where it is just starting to show signs of life again and I am grateful for that. I know the road won't be smooth but with the love of God, my husband and my children, I feel like we can make it through. I can't say I am never going to complain or have bad days but I can now say to myself that there is sun on the other side of it.
I have a desire in my heart to work for myself and do what I love and the word tells us that God instills gifts and desires in us for a purpose. My children are excited that I have a goal to one day have my own bakery where we can all work as a family. It will take hard work on the part of all of us but it can be done. I am ready for 2011