I told you guys before I have another daughter, Alexis, who lives with her dad & that he wasn't letting me see or talk to her, well:
I'm not sure what happened but I'm just going to say thank you Jesus and go with whatever it was that changed his mind.
(Sorry the pics are dark ~ we were out to eat and we used the phone to take them).
Today when I get off work we are headed to one of my favorite places, Walnut Springs, TX for their annual Rattlesnake Roundup.
I'll be posting more about this whole weekend on Tuesday for Texas Tuesdays. Today is also my Daddy's Birthday !
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!
So now that the good stuff is out of the way I will throw in my disclaimer ~ you may not agree with what I am going to say, you may not like it but this is my blog so I feel I have every right to say what I chose to say on my own blog.
This year so far has been a challenge for me in terms of my marriage. As long as we live at JT's mom's house, which thank God we don't, he is just fine but the minute we have to function on our own, in our own family, he changes. At first I thought it was because Jill & Jonathan now live with us but I discovered it's much deeper than that. I've gone back and searched my blog where I make references to this or that in regards to JT's attitude or mood and it's been going on for months but lately it's really getting to the point where I'm not sure even what page we are on anymore.
I've tried ignoring it, it only gets worse. I've tried accepting it which pisses me off because I feel like I'm settling for something I don't want. I've tried talking to him about it, he doesn't listen or respond. I've tried fighting about it, I only end up being more pissed off than I was before. I've done all the things I know to do and none of it has worked. And then there was this week.
All week long JT and Beebs have moped around the house. I tried cutting them some slack because they did experience a death but then the further the week went on the more pissed I started to get. Everyone in this house has a role that they play in order to keep our home up and running but someone, Bryan cannot manage to get any of his stuff done, to which I say "If he can't function doing normal day to day things, find him a counselor" to which JT finds out what counselors take his insurance but that's as far as it went. Instead of doing ANY of his homework, JT spent all his time looking at pictures and doing I'm not even sure what but I know that it wasn't anything in the house, the vehicles (because my spare tire is still in the back of my SUV and not under) and it wasn't his homework. My kids and I have been excited all week because our baby/sister was coming this weekend which also made things hard on both sets of families ~ they were sad and we were elated.
I guess yesterday was pretty much the realization that I don't feel like my husband loves me and that he sure doesn't notice me anymore. Sure, he is lazy and doesn't do things around the house. For him, if we never cleaned house it wouldn't bother him. First there was a pissed off tone in him because he found out I allowed Jill & Jonathan to take a mental health day from school. He was mad but it was alright for Nick, his son, to take an entire week off of school. Thursday night I had a dream that JT got his income tax return (because we can't file separate because I owe and he doesn't want to use HIS money to pay MY bills). So Friday morning I just ask him to which he tells me yes, he got it the Friday before. Now I feel like he lied to me because keeping things from me is the same as lying and he also informs me that he is now broke ~ pump the brakes ~ where did the money go?)
I haven't seen my daughter in over a year so I ask him if he can bring Lexi to my job once he picks her up and Joel up (it's my weekend) ~ he tells me yes. I make sure that he has Lex later on in the day and when a couple of hours pass, I send him a message to find out where they are ~ Arlington because his EX wife didn't get to see their boys from 12-4 because she was busy doing something else and she wanted to see them. So he blows me off, his current wife, who hasn't again seen her child in over a year, to go out of his way to do something for his EX wife? Yep, I see.
Oh and yes, it gets better. We FINALLY meet up so we can go eat dinner. I'm sitting there at one end of the table, JT is at the opposite end and on the other side of the table. I try to make conversation with him to which I get ignored. Then he says "You got your nails put back on"?
Side story ~ my nails had been done weeks before and I broke a couple, took the rest off and 3 days later went and got a new set. So I've had my nails done for over 2 weeks.
So I tell him that actually I've had them so long it's time to go get a fill. WTF?! Where has he been. It took him 3 days to notice I lightened my hair and 2 weeks to notice my nails?
When we crawl into bed, he turns over on his side of the bed and doesn't touch me, doesn't talk to me, doesn't acknowledge I'm even there until I force him to. As for sex, that's non-existent. If we do have sex (sorry TMI but oh well), it's because I am the one who pushes the issue. I am so frustrated with all of this. I am also pissed off because last year when my Nanny died, a person I was close to, I feel like they didn't allow me to grieve. No, I couldn't miss 3 days of work and go be with my family like I wanted to. JT wanted me to go to work. I couldn't walk around here and do nothing but look at photos, cry and forget to do things because I was not allowed, so yes, frankly I am pissed off about that too.
It's making me really ask myself the question "Am I happy"? and the answer is obviously "No"!